Grief and Giving Back

"Growth requires pain. – Be patient and tough, someday this pain will be useful to you. Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who lay a firm foundation of growth with the bricks that life has thrown at them. So don’t be afraid to fall apart for a little while. Because when it happens, the situation will open an opportunity for you to grow and rebuild yourself into the brilliant person you are capable of being."

I read this somewhere recently and it resonated with me in a very deep way. I feel like I am not just falling apart but also being pulled apart. Stripped and left raw and vulnerable. Then told the only way to come back together to a version of you you can be proud of- is to let people help in the rebuilding of you.

Keeping this in mind I am asking you to join me in creating a grief jar. My due date is a month away and so for the next month I am writing down the things I miss about Mateo, the things I will miss. I'm noting the wishes, desires, the things that break my heart, anything. Everything. I'm putting it in the grief jar and then in a month I am going to read through them. I'm gonna sit with them and consciously cry and feel and experience the grief around my son. And then I am going to put them away. I have a memory box for Mateo and so I will put these in his box. My grief is as much a part of our story as as my pregnancy was, as his birth was. This won't mean I am done grieving. This means I acknowledged that I want to be put back together again. Like a puzzle missing a piece- Ill never be whole again. That doesn't mean I don't get to be again. A grief jar is the tool I have for right now.

I ask you, my support system to consider keeping your own grief jar. If you share grief over Mateo with me then keep a jar with me the next month and on his due date March 25th, take a minute to grieve with me. But don't just grieve with me hat day- help me also give back. I'd like to take that day and give back to the Ronald McDonald House. They were so wonderful to me when Mateo was in the NICU. Their goal is to support families with babies in intensive care or children who need prolonged medical care. These families spend all day in the hospital with their children and volunteers are the ones who make sure these families are fed. Register to feed these families on the 25th (you have to resister ahead of time) or bake some delicious desserts and drop them off or go on their website and make a small donation- any amount will help.

I am not sure which I will do yet, maybe I'll ask some friends to help me prepare the meal and join me in dropping it off. Let people help put me back together. If Mateos grief doesn't touch you personally- make your own grief jar with your loved one you miss and love and grieve. If you aren't grieving as part of your journey right now- borrow some of mine and make sure you give back to the Ronald McDonald House somehow on the 25th.

This week should be a good connecting week. I have a support group meeting, an appointment with my therapist, and some one on ones with close friends coming up. I will rebuild with the bricks life throws at me. And I don't have to do it alone.