A Letter to My Friends

So I have been encouraged by my therapist to reach out to those closest to me and let them know that I am not done grieving, and that I
still need help and support. We talked a lot about what that looks like for me. I told her
that I had no doubt that if I needed something specific- a meal, a donation, a favor- that my
friends would be there. It is the stuff that I don't know how to ask for that it seems I can't trust people to give. I still need to talk about Mateo, and I need people to listen. I feel like
it is depressing and a burden and so I carry itall around. Please ask me if I would like to talk about Mateo when we talk, instead of asking how I am doing. I always answer how
are you doing with "I'm ok". I find myself wishing people would ask me about him, and what he was like, and what I miss about him. Every mother wants to talk about her child,and
her pregnancy and how she is feeling about her child at the moment. I've been robbed of motherhood in so many ways, but this is one way I get to still be his mom to other people,
if people want to talk to me about him. I hate feeling like a burden and tell myself people are tired of hearing about it, but I was
reminded that it is unfair to make that decision for my friends- though it would really help if you gave me some prodding. I'll workon
trusting that you all love me enough to listen to me talk about Mateo and not run away from me, and I will truly be grateful to be asked to
share and open up about my feelings and my Mateo story. When I was pregnant one of my biggest fears was raising Mateo alone and it
was my family and friends that gave me the courage to believe I could do this- that I would always be loved and supported. Well now my
fear is doing this part alone- grieving- being the only person who misses him or cares and I could use the same comfort and kind words
and listening ears. I am grateful to have you all in my life.

Love

Ana